I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
