The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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