she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
