playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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