you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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