let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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