I smell stomach acid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
