ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
