Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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