I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
