I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
