All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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