Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
