I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
PS: I just woke up from my shower
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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