I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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