Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
