You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
