I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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