I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize