Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
