bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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