If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
