I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
