but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
