Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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