How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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