boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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