Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
