Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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