Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
