Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
