Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
