Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
