ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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