I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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