We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
