i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
