Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
