omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
