That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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