Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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