You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
