i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
