in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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