soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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