Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
