Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
