I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
