I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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