shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
