Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
