she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
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