my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
being pregnant is like rehab
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
