I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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