I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
