You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
