I think I won the penis lottery.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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