Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
