Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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