do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
