i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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