Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So many bounce houses so little time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
