As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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