yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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