I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
