Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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