I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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