I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
