I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
