fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
