May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
