foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
