Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
