if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
