I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
