i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
