i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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