Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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