Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
