its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
