Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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