winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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